joel's thoughts

Yet another tale today from a friend (this one on FB) of a man in a divorce situation forgetting what it means to be a man. Lacking vision, lacking responsibility, lacking commitment to continue the parenting job you started in any remotely responsible way that puts the kids’ needs before what you want. Too bad you got into something you can’t handle, but you have kids now, and they still need a father. Are you going to man up and take on the consequences or wuss out and run? Or just string everyone else along as long as you can, leaving emotional carnage in your wake, because it’s financially advantageous to you? I’m not sure, but I think that might be the worst option.

I realize I may be ruffling some feathers here, folks, but we live in a broken world. There’s no getting around it. And it’s only going to get worse, but we all have a choice to make whether we’re going to be a part of making it worse for someone else, and ultimately for ourselves. I can’t speak to how women should be and live, but men? It’s long past time to figure out what that label is supposed to mean, because too many of us out there are just plain doing it wrong.

Look, I know you’ve got junk in your life. Maybe your dad wasn’t around and missed out on your life, or maybe he was and might as well not have been for all he seemed to care. Or maybe he was and you wished he wasn’t because he sucked in a thousand different ways. Maybe mom’s put too much emotional stock in you and her apron strings are still tied a little too tight, and she never gave you the room to be a man in your own right (if she asked you for something today, could you tell her no?). So maybe you never had an actual flesh and blood role model to show you what it means to be a man in every day life, and maybe you never did learn how to relate to women in a healthy way that doesn’t mean rolling over and doesn’t mean being the dictator of your little kingdom.

That stuff’s real, man, and made you part of who you are. But you have to realize two things: You’re not the only one BY FAR, and you do NOT have to let your past define who you’re going to be.

So who are you going to be? If any of this resonates with you, or pokes you a bit too hard, maybe it’s time — no, it IS time — to give yourself a long look in the mirror, figure out why you suck, and then Put. It. Down. I don’t need your baggage. Your kids don’t need your baggage. But most importantly, guess what? You don’t need your baggage either. Put it down and walk away from it once and for all, and start getting on with your life. It’s time to be a man.